Fashion Forward

I've been looking for something fabulous and chic to wear as a veil without looking like:

a) a beekeeper

b) an extra in the Madonna like a virgin or like a prayer music video

this girl really hit the nail on the head...

Love.
via OnceWed

SLO nice to see you again

I know that I have been gone forever, to the point where I figured maybe people, the few faithful of you that is, had given up on me. I've been swamped to say the least, with all things wedding related, and it was bordering on absurd.

I had no idea that planning something like a big party, where I wear a white dress instead of a black one would be so time consuming. But it is. No wonder there are so many blogs about it.

The wedding was originally planned for Carmel, CA where I am from, I went up there for 5 days, spent the entire time looking at venues, talking to caterers, emailing photographers and arguing with my parents about money. It was exhausting to say the least. It's no secret that the Monterey Peninsula is so damn expensive but I had no idea just how overpriced everything was until I was given a pretty strict budget in a town where the word budget is not in the vocabulary.

I picked a venue (a modern art museum) then came back to LA and spent a lot of time worrying, then crying, then getting mad and frustrated, then fighting with my parents over stupid things that shouldn't have even been an issue. It got stupid really quick, and I started looking at things like a $10,000 catering proposal and a $5,000 photography offer as "No big deal!!"

I realized that I was losing perspective pretty quickly and I needed to come back down to earth. So I started thinking outside of the box, looking around, my scope moving further up and further down the coast. I started to realize how unrealistic it would be to get married where I had wanted to, so I went to San Luis Obispo, where the boy's parents and my sister live, and did the same thing I had done in Monterey all over again. I looked for venues, spent 3 days talking to caterers, photographers and churches and it turns out getting married for a reasonable amount is do-able just sometimes you have to think outside the box.

I'm a little sad that I'm not getting married in my hometown, it's where I dreamed that I would marry someday, and it's where my memories are, I hold a lot of love for that place, I had been saying "it's where my heart is," but I have realized that my heart is wherever my family, friends and everyone I love and hold dear is, and it doesn't matter where that is exactly, as long as they're all there with me on that day.

Aaaaaand they're off!!!!

Did anyone know there's this secret race out there that no bride wants to talk about? The wedding race?

I haven't really been all that in to wedding venue searches, it never really was something I thought I needed to get on right away; especially since we aren't getting married for a year. And not to mention the fact that it's almost impossible to find a venue that is reasonable and cool all in one. One place I looked at had a pretty reasonable fee of $2500 for the garden and ballroom but then mentioned the $20,000 food and beverage minimum...baaaaaarf

I've been getting emails from girls who just got married saying things like, "Oh I bet you're in mega wedding planning mode by now right?! I know I sure was..." If you consider watching, Say Yes to the Dress over and over then sure.

Well the boy comes in the other night after visiting his recently engaged friend and proceeds to tell me we really need to get on the ball, they got engaged after we did and they already have a date and a venue for August 2011...gasp.

So then I get overwhelmed and start calling everyone in the book about venues, and you know what? A lot of places already have dates booked...FOR NEXT YEAR. I know this is all new to me and maybe some of you are saying, duh but that boggles my mind. I can't believe it. There's this wedding race going on and I'm not even out of the gates yet when other people have already made a few laps.

Any suggestions on ways to inquire about/internet sites for venues? So far I have 4 good prospects.

In other news, trust me, the girl that wears heels to the grocery store to have already found her dress before she found a venue. But trust me, it's so fab I'll even wear it to the courthouse if I have to, super long train and all.

There's a reason diners are open 24 hrs right?

I've been trying to put my feelers out there about wedding stuff knowing that as soon as grad school starts in September, good ol wedding planning will definitely take a back seat for me. We have priorities people, ya know?

The wedding planning industry is really trying to break out of the mold of what is typically wedding, and embrace what is unique (hello DIY) but still there are a lot of the same things you'll see at just about every wedding; especially formal sit down dinner weddings, which is something I'm seriously looking into (I like to eat ya'll). But I don't want to do the same old chicken or fish, I don't eat chicken and the boy hates fish so...we come to a crossroads.

I was sitting with a few friends a while back and over sushi and beers we were discussing what would be a super cool wedding meal, someone said a baked potato bar, with all the fixings, there was the obvious answer In n' Out truck (holler!) and a few other gems and it all got me thinking. What do I really love to eat, what is something that would be totally unique and fun, wouldn't break the bank, and wouldn't be over the top tacky (like dominoes pizza or something...which I could totally get into just for the pure tackiness of it but I digress).

Then it dawned on me over pancakes one night, I LOVE breakfast food, I mean I have a serious love affair with all things breakfast. It's my favorite meal of the day and who doesn't love having breakfast for dinner?

I feel like we could satisfy everyone...a fancy french toast bar, an omelet bar, ham and eggs, biscuits, hash browns, mimosas...all done in a tasteful manner. We could have it buffet style so everyone can get what they want. I told the boy my idea and his eyes lit up, I think he likes it.

I think it would be kind of fun, and I've never seen breakfast done for dinner at a wedding before. Which easily checks off the unique idea.

But then the boys mom came into the picture, she's awfully traditional (meaning her head is going to explode by the end of hearing all my ideas for this wedding cause I am not) and she could not wrap her mind around our wedding being at night, and not in the morning when breakfast is usually served.

So here's my question, is breakfast for dinner at a wedding tacky? Or fun and unique and you can dig it?

Any other ideas for a fun dinner reception, that won't cost a ton of money and you don't usually seen done before?

That'll be $50,000 please...

Can we talk about how expensive weddings are for a second?

So I did it, I finally broke and bought a few wedding magazines. It took all of a week and a half and then I caved.

There was a section in one of the mags about budget and what real brides spent on their weddings...

The first brides budget? $68,000...

And they didn't even have to pay for a venue because they got married at her parents house. I almost barfed when I read this. Call me confused but spending that kind of money on one day is incredible to me. That is half the cost of a nice house in a lot of states and you're gonna drop that kind of cash on 6 whole hours?!

The boys best friend proposed to his girlfriend a few days after we got engaged (I think the boy inspired him) and we were talking to them this weekend about their plans, they went on and on about how they were gonna have a small wedding and be economical about it because they were paying for it themselves. Their budget? $50,000.

What is going on here? Gone are the days where one can spend $10,000 on a wedding and that seems reasonable and not cheap, women are spending $10,000 alone on their dresses these days. I could buy a car for $10,000 and I would use it for a lot longer than a few hours my friends. In an economy where there are families living in homeless shelters what happened to our priorities?

Let's be honest, if money were no object for me or I'd been saving for a long time I would probably blow a lot of cash on a gorgeous jaw dropping wedding so I am not judging here. But, I think it's a shame that the wedding industry even thinks it appropriate to charge that kind of cash to rent silverware or linens or a flipping cake, most wedding cakes don't even taste that good!

I think it's funny people quietly judge me about spending $20,000 a year tuition to get my doctorate (a lot I know, but I'm gonna benefit from it for the rest of my life) but don't bat an eye on spending $35,000 on one day, and even taking out their own loan to do it. Some people's marriages are over before they've finished paying off the wedding. I think things are backwards, and I don't see any change for the better any time soon.

Las Vegas is looking better and better.

Image from Stressed Out Brides Survival Guide

Update: I feel I must mention that there are a lot more books, websites and magazines coming out about weddings on a budget...but I don't think many ppl are getting the message.

"I faked a sonogram today...can you do that?"

While we're on the topic of milestones I suppose I should announce that I'm engaged.

I've been engaged for approximately 31 hours now and I don't feel any different.

I'm happy and I know I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but I'm not giddy. And I think that's ok. At first I felt guilty about it, that I wasn't jumping up and down with joy (I did cry with happiness when he asked me) even when everyone else was but I've come to grips with it.

Does anyone remember the Sex and the City episode where Miranda finds out she's having a boy and fakes how excited she is so the doctor doesn't think shes a freak?

I think there is some expectation that I should be jumping up and down and freaking out and furiously thumbing through wedding magazines but I'm just not there. All the ladies I have talked to about it are thrilled, maybe even on the verge of freaking out and I feel like I should act that way or they're gonna think I'm a weirdo or unhappy with the decision I'm making; not the case at all.

I think for me I'm still in shock and mildly overwhelmed with all the changes that are taking place in my life, it's still taking a while to sink in for me. I'm also more focused on the lifetime commitment I'm making to someone and less on the dress, cake and DJ. Getting married is a huge commitment and that responsibility overshadows what colors I'm gonna make the tablecloths.

To top it all off I know NOTHING, I mean NOTHING about planning a wedding. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do next (other than enjoy this and let it all sink in) and neither do my friends (that's why I love them so). So here we go, the wedding blind leading the blind.

Did you have any surprising reactions to events in your life that surpassed the traditional expectations of emotion?

An Affair to Remember

It's my third week at the alzheimers residency, and A LOT of interesting and very very funny things have happened but this story has been the pinnacle of all experiences so far, and every time I tell it to someone I get very different reactions...so here goes.

Apparently the whole wedding/being married to another resident idea is not a new one in the home. There are women who think that some of the other men that live there are their husbands and vice versa, it gets tricky sometimes when family comes to visit but I think that most people understand its just the disease.

So I was talking to one of the managers and she tells me about another couple who wanted to get married to each other at the home. After a few weeks of the two of them talking about it the manager thought it would be cute and harmless to have a little fake "wedding." So she went to the Goodwill and bought a wedding dress, had a nurse stand in as the priest, and all the other residents sat in as guests.

It went off smashingly well, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, people were happy, the manager felt accomplished that she had been able to provide a small token of joy for this woman and man and then 2 hours later...

He SLAPPED HER.

Apparently the "wife" had mouthed off to the "husband" and he didn't like it, so he looked her in the eye and said, "You're my wife now, you're gonna behave" and then hit her in the face...

You can imagine my surprise as she's telling me this and I'm getting starry eyed about this love story only to be abruptly jerked back into reality.


Of course this leads to a lot of paper work and counseling and families getting involved and lessons learned but I'm more surprised by this:

After all this time, after the disease has taken away this mans memory and all the things associated with it he still after all this time has the idea ingrained into his mind that once he's married to a woman he can hit her; that it's tolerable.

This brought up many of my mother's lessons in my head, saying things like, "be careful who you marry, and make sure to date a long time, because people can sometimes surprise you after marriage. Sometimes if you don't give people enough time to show their true colors it might be too late..."

According to this she might just be right.

So the moral of the story, mom's might be right and don't meddle in other people's affairs, you might just have a lot of paperwork to fill out after all is said and done.

Sorry, I don't know who the picture is by.

some people just stick with you

I haven't even worked a day and I'm already hearing interesting tales...

There is a woman at the home that was asked by one of the other residents if she would marry him after they had been spending time together for about 6 months. She walks around the home every day asking if she can have money for her wedding dress so that she can finally have her wedding.

I find it interesting that even though this man and woman have problems with memory they remember each other day in and day out, but I suppose there are some people in this world that just stick with you.

I found out today that man she was promised to died almost a year ago, and to this day she still wakes up every morning asking for a wedding dress for her wedding. She has never forgotten him, through the cloud of her disease, but she's glued to the promises of her past and for her its never going to change.

I find this so tragically romantic.

photo by algophotos

LOVE

Go look at these pictures from Chennergy Weddings blog, the emotions in these shots are so deep some of them actually made me cry. And I'm not really into the schmaltz people. This is big.

Dearest Sarah and Dan from Chennergy Weddings, you people are good. Real good.

Photo by Eric Mack via flickr