Many an hour I have spent with friends trying to figure out where all the good guys have gone. I can tell you right now it isn't at the bars. This leads to problems and frustrations for a lot of single girls, when the majority of single men that they meet are at the local watering hole. I'm a firm believer that most men that you meet at a bar are not the guys that you want to date, a lot of them are not there to find the love of their lives unfortunately. I know from experience...
So where does a girl go to meet good boyfriend material? The grocery store? The gym? The dog park? I mean seriously. Our main form of socialization in our twenties is the bar, precisely the place where you are not going to find a good guy, the guy that you'll want to spend your time with.
People are different in bars, we act different, we even look different. I didn't meet the boy in a bar, but who knows if we had been in the same bar at the same time if we would have even noticed each other or found the others personality attractive, especially after a few drinks...
Then, the other night, I was reading my book and came across this jem by Franz Wisner...
"The American bar scene just might be the most bizarre courting ritual of them all. You couldn't craft a worse situation to facilitate introductions and judge compatibility. Lord knows what future anthropologists will conclude in the centuries to follow. American bars are modeled after English pubs, as in public meeting places. Yet somehow we've let them evolve into private avoiding spaces. We demand bars that are pitch black so we can't see anyone, with glass rattling sound systems so we can't hear one another talk, plastered with plasma televisions so we don't have to focus on a fellow human. BlackBerrys and iPhones in hand to further isolate. We disguise ourselves in extra eyeliner and self tanner, borrowed skirts and knockoff watches, so that if someone does look at us, they will have no idea our normal appearance. We go in groups, huddling in corners to dissuade any nonmemeber of our tribe from venturing over and complaining to our friends that we "never meet anyone anymore." What's our solution to improve the situation? Ample doses of a liquid intoxicant to slow our brains, slur our speech, and fog our memories. Emboldened, we scour the joint to find another in our dimwitted state, someone with whom to share embellishments and distortions. Oh please, oh please, oh please, Please let me find someone in this bar whose judgement is as poor as my own."
Exactly Franz. Oh how wise.
So where do you meet someone if it isnt at the bar, somewhere we all frequent on a regular basis, and the main spot for trying to meet other singles?
Where did you meet your significant other?
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Not surprisingly, most couples I know met through friends. My guy's best friend was dating my best friend, we met a once, clicked, and he moved across the country to be with me (our relationship outlasted theirs, "the best thing to come out of it" according to them-ha!) I never thought a chance meeting through friends, with no intentions of "setting us up", would lead me to the man I'm going to marry. We could have easily led our separate lives, 2,500 miles apart, but we worked for what we have & took a chance.
ReplyDeleteI think the workplace, and universities are also a common place to meet people. If none of the above are options, volunteer with an organization you'd always putt off until "later", you'd be doing something good AND maybe get a relationship out of it! OR join some sort of sport or club, what better way to ensure you'll have similar interests?
Your friends may have a suitable partner for you they just may not have thought of! Arrange a night out, or throw a party at your place, and encourage them to bring friends -single friends if you'd like to be blunt!-
The boy and I met through friends as well on a random night with no intention of them setting us up, they didn't even know we were all going to hang out. This seems common but it's pure chance whether it happens or not.
ReplyDeleteOh, well it was supposed to be a set-up, which I was dead against... but then I saw him across the street and nearly fell over! Unfortunately he was working and we couldn't go in to meet him as my housemate had insulted the door staff and they wouldn't let her in... Her date decided to dump her later that evening, severing all ties I had with this handsome stranger.
ReplyDeleteWe spent the next two years trying to orchestrate ways to be introduced to each other and then one night it happened! I got fed up of waiting for a polite introduction and went over to get his number.
The same housemate convinced me to delete it, in an attempt to play hard to get without realising that he didn't have my number.
He didn't hear from me and then moved to London on a whim.
FINALLY a year later I saw his profile on Facebook and poked him... and the rest is history!
Technically, I met my boyfriend at a bar. But he was a friend of my friend's, so I guess it's different. Plus, he was drunk and doesn't remember us meeting, so we always say we met the next time we saw each other, doing critical mass :)
ReplyDeleteA random list of places I have met my boyfriends: college, college, college, work, college, work, work, cafe, cafe, cafe, bar.
Obviously, once one leaves school, one gets more desperate and tries the cafe and bar scenes :)
Sally, your story sounds like a true catch me if you can love story! I love that facebook had a hand in your relationship. I wonder if as the younger techy generations grow up that becomes a more common story.
ReplyDeleteMelina, I met a lot of my bf's in college as well. It's like a buffet of men and you're all thrown into one huge social situation. But a lot of them are still drunk anyway ;)
So true about the bar scene! I met my bf in physics class, and we studied together because we both lived in the same dorm. It's funny because I always joked in high school that I was going to find a hot physicist in college and get my "MRS degree" (ie find a husband--btw I said JOKED!!) And then I did find a hot physicist and he's all mine!
ReplyDeleteI met the hubs at work! You never know when Mr. Right is gonna walk into your life.
ReplyDeleteditto above - i met my husband at work!
ReplyDelete