Friday, February 5, 2010

Oh man

After I walked around the house on some weird wedding/marriage rant this last week I think I scared the boy. I went into a passionate speech last night involving a lot of the same topics I've been thinking about lately, he looks at me, says "Well, this is great. I'm glad you're so anti marriage now." Then slowly walks away from me on the couch mouth agape.

Let me clear something up and make it very clear. I am NOT anti marriage. Quite the opposite actually. I'm anti getting married for the wedding and forgetting about what comes after, anti getting married without thinking about what it all entails, not thinking about the commitment you are making to someone and thinking about the work, effort and nurturing you have to put into a relationship to make it last.
I'm anti losing yourself so much in your relationship that you forget who you truly are. I think that's something a lot of women have a hard time with because we are giving creatures but that walks a fine line with giving til you've lost it all. I'm anti the pressure I think society can put on young women to find a man and settle down...I don't understand it in this day and age when we have so many choices why that seems to be the loudest one.

I'm very much pro marriage and that's why I think it's so important to think about it, A LOT before diving in, and knowing who you really are before sharing that person with someone else for the rest of your life, and not very many young girls are mature enough to have truly found themselves yet and that can get you into some very tough situations throughout life. I think people just rush into things without using their heads first.

I've been thinking about it all myself lately, and I thought I would share that journey with you. I value your opinions and experiences and I feel like all of your input is important since I can only live my one life; I like to hear stories about your lives and loves, triumphs and mistakes. So please keep telling me your stories.


  1. oh man kind of sounds like he was planning something! explain yourself, he'll get it.

  2. i totally agree with you!! i'm not anti- marriage either, like you said, it's what comes after the marriage. so many people are missing the point, marriage is more than just finding someone you think you're compatible with and think everything else will work out. i agree, you have to find out who you are before you should commit to someone. i'm 36 years old and was engage once, i am so happy that i did not fall under the pressure. i just wasn't ready yet. i did what was best for me. i had to get to know who i was. i think people are more fascinated with the wedding day and the celebration than what they are committing to. like you said there is work, effort and nurturing that goes into a marriage to make it last. it is a life commitment. and what's most important is that you should never lose who you are in the marriage.

    i have an aunt who has been married for over 35 years. she has put up with a lot in her marriage. but she is so wrapped up into her husband and his interests that she doesn't even know who she is. down south they tend to put a lot of pressure on their daughters to be married early. well i shouldn't say all southerners believe or do this, but all of my cousins who are 25 years old and younger are all married. hmmmm, go figure! LoL!! but i just think it's sad.

    like you said, society puts so much pressure on young woman to have a man and it is so loud. why is this? what about her confidence and independence, her qualities and what she is about. i will not fall in this category. woman are more than who we're dating and "girl do you have a man?", i say learn to love who you are and find out who you are before you commit.

    i think you are on the right track and i agree with everything you are saying. great topic!

  3. I agree with you on everything you said. I think it's good that you express yourself because it's very important that he knows where you stand. And it's better to wait & really want to be married... and in turn be ready to put in the work it takes. Everything will work out! xo

  4. expressing yourself is key,it's the only way!

  5. Well we can say that's truth, but I guess not, I'm not considerer myself enought grown up to get married, I live by myself, but I don't want to get married because I like to travel and do whatever I want, you know what I mean.