Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I'm embracing our imperfections!

So yeah, mom was in town, then sister was in town, then it was July 4th and now life is back to normal...as normal as life gets in LA.

I have a bone to pick.

There's this unspoken competition going on with couples I have noticed lately. The "we're the perfect couple" competition (seriously, go on facebook and look and your couple-y friends photos). And I'm tired of it.

I feel like now that we're engaged other people are focused more closely on our relationship and who we are as a whole, whether we're compatible and whether or not we're gonna work out, if we fight and how happy we really are, I feel like we have to keep quiet about our imperfections for fear ppl will get "nervous" and unsupportive about us getting married. I feel like I look at other couples, comparing us to them; and they look SO giddy and perfect and sometimes I feel like we're supposed to look and act like that too, like there's something wrong with us if we don't. Of course I know that that's not what it's like behind closed doors. I had a friend who was madly in love, it was all she would talk about, they seemed like the perfect couple, they never had any issues and they clicked like they were made for each other...and then one day after 2 years together, out of the blue she called me crying to tell me they broke up, she wouldn't tell me why...24 hours later they were back together and now they 're married. When she called I was in shock, there had NEVER been any indication that there were issues. Are we supposed to be that couple? The couple where no one saw it coming when it ended? Or can we please be more real about it?

I know it's no ones business what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship, but maybe we should reach out to other couples for more support.

The boy and I are real people, we fight, we argue, we yell, we're stubborn and pig headed, we're both egotistical and can't let things go; but we love each other. We are not perfect, by any means but we make it work because we're a couple, and we know that we're normal people and we make mistakes.

Why is it that other couples can't admit that? I understand not airing your dirty laundry to others but I think that we should be honest with one another more often, maybe if we did that, maybe if we showed support to other couples it would make it a lot easier to navigate through this really tough part of life...love, relationships, marriage, being a partner and an imperfect human being. There should be more relationship support, we should admit as couples to one another more often that things are hard, that couples fight but that things will be ok and that there are ups and downs and people make it through alive. It might make us all fight a bit harder for what we have as opposed to giving up after feeling inadequate to those couples you know who put on a better show than you do.

I think as couples we're so afraid that people are going to judge us and our relationship that we're too afraid to not let it all hang out and be real with one another. I'm not one for throwing a martini in the boy's face at a bar but we should be more honest about things. Embrace our imperfections as people and own up to reality. So I'm here to say the boy and I fight, we have our ups and downs, our good days and our bad days, and it doesn't get any easier but to move forward we must embrace our imperfections and support each other in order to maintain balance and grow. We should do that for other couples as well...now all we have to do is get them to admit they aren't perfect first.


  1. I am very upfront about things, definitely not a pretender. It frustrates me when couples (usually the female, I must say) make out like everything is perfect and they NEVER piss each other off.

    We aren't perfect, obviously. I could count on one hand the number of times either of us has raised our voice at the other, because I hate yelling and he's not into it either. But we definitely disagree and piss each other off at times.

  2. Meh, I think a lot of people are afraid to admit it, but for the life of me I can't figure out why. I doubt many would be surprised to find out that MOST (all?) couples fight. The ones that don't fight or disagree at all are a little scary to me, but what do I know?

    Maybe some people have the perfect relationship, who knows, but I certainly don't. But I have a pretty great one and count my blessings daily. Still, we fight and, yeah, sometimes I want to stab him in the eye but the feeling passes. lol

    Anyway, I get why you might be feeling under the microscope but no one can know what's going on in your relationship. If they want to judge you for having a disagreement then screw them. Plus, I've come to find (through purely scientific research obv) that a lot of couples who are overly PDA-obsessed in public are the ones who seem to end up having the most problems behind closed doors.

  3. The PDA comment is SO interesting to me, I've never thought about that before. It may be their insecurities coming out. Same thing as the girls that wear the sluttiest clothes, yell the loudest and act the most desperate are the ones that need the most attn due to their insecurities. It may be the same for couples and their PDA...

  4. The PDA thing is true. I feel like my friends who were always all over each other are the one's trying to prove they are oh so in love.

    Everyone fights. Couples are made of of two individuals who at many intervals disagree.

  5. Amen, sista. I guess that's one good thing about my on again / off again relationship with Hal, we can be real to friends about how things are. Two very passionate people with tempers ;) Love hard, hate hard. Ha. But it works and now we're "on" for good. It's nice to not have to front to the world.

  6. I'm glad to know there are women out there who can embrace their relationships faults and issues and put them out there without being afraid! Yeah!