Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Can you be friends with a guy?

I'm a very social person, it's obvious that I wasn't an only child cause I cannot entertain myself for the life of me. I always relied on my sister to keep me entertained, I get bored alone, and I hate it. Now that we've moved and the boy is working oh well about 10 hours a day I'm alone a lot. I've been going to coffee shops and perusing the stores downtown to no avail, there aren't a lot of ppl down here who have any interest in being friends with a stranger.

Cut to the boy and I shopping at banana republic over the weekend and me making friends with one of the salespeople...a dude. I'm pretty sure he likes guys, but in this day and age and in this city you never really know. I walk by a million guys these days wearing shoes I own and jeans tighter and skinnier than mine so everyone is a mystery at this point.

So we set up a lunch date, banana boy and I, and I'm really excited. He seems really nice and I'm excited to have a friend. But what if he isn't gay? Is it ok to be friends with him?

Now at first when the boy and I had this conversation I got all pissy and called him possessive and a controlling weirdo but when he said, "If I met some random girl out and about and she and I had lunch together and started hanging out all the time how would you feel?!"

Point very well taken.

I've always had guy friends, often when I was younger I had more guy friends than girl friends, less drama, more fun, but I also wasn't engaged to be married. I have a very good guy friend from college that I still keep in touch with, the boy has met him, and he and I are still pretty close, if I could make him a bridesmaid I would. But I always made it very clear to said guy friend that we would only be friends, even when the boy wasn't in the picture yet, and even now the boy has never felt threatened by him (it probably helps that he lives in Indiana...and has a gf he adores).

So this brings up a question...can you be friends with newly met guys when you're in a serious committed relationship? If he ends up being gay is it better than if he isn't gay? If it turns out he isn't gay do we have to stop being friends?

I know that the boy trusts me, but I get it, I also see it from his point of view. When it really comes down to it though, I really would love someone to go to coffee with ya know?


  1. Hmmm. If he's gay, it's fine.

    If he isn't, I'd tread carefully. There's no way I'd be happy for the Groomie to go on a lunch date with some girl he met.

  2. Yes, guys and girls can be just friends. As a married woman with many single straight male friends, many of whom I met post being with my now husband, I think its totally acceptable. My husband has female friends as well, so it can go both ways.

  3. (ohh, were you shopping BR for the father's day sale? ha, my boyfriend made such a fuss about trying to to get there on Sunday in the middle of our storm so he could buy new collared shirts!)

    I'm the very same way - lots of guy friends. Here's what I've found: any previous guy friends you have, from before the relationship, he won't have a problem with. Any newly made guy friends will have to be befriended as a couple and not on your half alone - eventually, after getting to know the said fellow, it will be ok for you and him to hang out one on one every now and then. Same applies vice versa for girl friends.

    At least, this is how it is with my boyfriend and me. We both make friends so infrequently, though, that it's never a big deal. But exactly what your Sir said, if my boyfriend started hanging out with some girl he just met all the time, then I'd get insane. Totally. hate that it is that way, but so it is!

  4. Me and my room mate ALWAYS discuss this engaging topic: can friends of the opposite sex really just be friends without one having feelings for one another? I always thought, no. Someone is always going to end up falling for the other, under the guise of 'friend.' But this notion is only what I have gotten from personal experience...maybe you can prove me wrong!