Wednesday, June 16, 2010
To be or not to be separate
There are a lot of couples out there who do everything together, live, work and play together.
The boy and I do not. I think we would kill each other.
Though we mesh well in our relationship we are completely different people. He builds computers for fun, and I go to vintage clothing stores for fun.
I like to be outdoors, I love the beach, hiking, going out and doing things. I love eating out, going to concerts and events, shopping, reading at coffee shops and hanging out with my friends. If there is ever anything social to do outside of the house I want to do it or I feel like I'm missing out.
The boy loves to watch tv, play video games, go to the movies, be on his computer, read the news and drink beers with his friends. He's more the techy geeky one of the family. He's much more of a homebody than I am.
We do have certain things in common, we both love to read and are both relentless in our pursuit of information and answers to anything and everything, we both like movies and we love going on bike rides together; but other than that we are split. I kind of have an aversion to technology and the media and he embraces it with open arms.
I think this is ok. I think the fact that we are completely different in our pursuits is what keeps us on our toes. I don't get bored with him because he's nothing like me. There have been times where he wishes I would play video games or I wish he would go with me to have a cocktail at a nice bar but then I realize that keeping our interests separate gives us time to be individuals.
I know couples who aside from work are together all day and every day, all the time, without a break, they identify themselves by the other person, by being a couple, and they do everything together. If there's no separation then I think laziness and boredom set in, and if you're not careful that can lead to disaster.
But maybe I'm the one that has it backward? I'm sure people think it's weird that we're so different and we have a lot of things we do on our own (we often celebrate holidays separately with our own families), that even that can lead to separation. It did take us a while to figure the other person out on what we each find interesting in life, and there are compromises, we do things for each other that we wouldn't normally do on our own, but it works for us, and so far there haven't been any complaints.
So how much time is too much, and how little is too little? Do you spend all your free time with your partner or are you very different in what you find entertaining? How do you find middle ground in your relationship?